Miru

miru

I grew up never really knowing that being gay was seen as weird. I grew up primarily comfortable in myself. I was homeschooled before the schooling got more brutal with my peers (i.e. middle school), so I guess I just kind of... dodged that bullet??

I've always been attracted to women. I've always — at least low key — wanted to be a guy. I grew up knowing that being gay was taboo but not that it really mattered because I was just me and that was different.

Not until I was much older did it really sink in that it's a big deal to almost everyone. Like I knew, don't get me wrong. I knew the history, the violence, the oppression — I knew it was all real and existed and reality. But I never had to face it and I never had anyone tell me I was wrong for being me. I never explicitly told anyone, either, because... I don't know. I was just me?

For a little while I was just casually considering starting T without mentioning it to anyone because it didn't matter. Again, it's just me and I've always just kind of felt like that. Decided I didn't want to deal with the excessive body hair and hormonal stuff after a bit of research but I'm still mulling it over casually. It doesn't feel like it's a big decision or a problem to solve.

I wish there was a better way to put into words this feeling. I've never felt wrong being queer, even before I completely understood it.

I don't hide who I am, but I also don't really talk about it with people. It all just kind of exists. It feels like just a natural facet of myself, like having a favorite color. I know it's strange but I just kind of think about it a lot.

#queer #irl

I'm still not over the fact I've accidentally fallen into a polyamorous relationship. There wasn't really a discussion about it and it just kind of... happened? I basically asked my partner 'hey is it cool if I fool around with (gf)?' and it was, and we did like once a year for three years and then...?? I don't know. It's not like it's bad, just confusing to me lol

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This year was good – it doesn't ping as deeply sexual to me even though it still was. I spent a lot of time kind of helping take care of things. I did a lot of emotional labor and I was completely wiped out when we got home.

I was (am?) happy to do it. I'm glad to have been able to emotionally support my date friend with her stuff. We spent a lot of time coming and going to. The air port, getting food, cooking, etc.

I just can feel my energy level tanking more and more tho. I have another long stretch of time off coming up. Because I'm not being scheduled but still. It'll help I guess.

I'm not sure what I'll use this space for yet, but I'm super excited to use it! I low-key miss the days of LJ and just kind of blogging about life or whatever the fuck. It'll probably be a catch-all kind of like that versus a dedicated one topic thing 🤗