Gay & Queer stuff
I grew up never really knowing that being gay was seen as weird. I grew up primarily comfortable in myself. I was homeschooled before the schooling got more brutal with my peers (i.e. middle school), so I guess I just kind of... dodged that bullet??
I've always been attracted to women. I've always — at least low key — wanted to be a guy. I grew up knowing that being gay was taboo but not that it really mattered because I was just me and that was different.
Not until I was much older did it really sink in that it's a big deal to almost everyone. Like I knew, don't get me wrong. I knew the history, the violence, the oppression — I knew it was all real and existed and reality. But I never had to face it and I never had anyone tell me I was wrong for being me. I never explicitly told anyone, either, because... I don't know. I was just me?
For a little while I was just casually considering starting T without mentioning it to anyone because it didn't matter. Again, it's just me and I've always just kind of felt like that. Decided I didn't want to deal with the excessive body hair and hormonal stuff after a bit of research but I'm still mulling it over casually. It doesn't feel like it's a big decision or a problem to solve.
I wish there was a better way to put into words this feeling. I've never felt wrong being queer, even before I completely understood it.
I don't hide who I am, but I also don't really talk about it with people. It all just kind of exists. It feels like just a natural facet of myself, like having a favorite color. I know it's strange but I just kind of think about it a lot.