general meaning – reversed: unrealistic expectations, depression, negativity

Another card I'm not terribly surprised to pull right now. The Sun, even in reverse, isn't a terrible card to get. It's more of an acknowledgement that even if things aren't great now or something has failed, something good will be coming. It fits into the previous day's card (3 of Wands) pretty neatly.

To be fair it could also mean I'm an arrogant prick and to watch for that. I really am about some things, so that's more of a footnote I guess. #Dailytarot #MajorArcana

general meaning – reversed: restriction, returning to start, failure, focused on past

This is the most obnoxiously obvious card I could have drawn on my first day of deciding to do this. I've had a big interpersonal change recently that I didn't see coming. That was a solid reset to where I was last year almost exactly.

I've spent the last two weeks just ruminating on it. Trying to figure out what to do now that what I was hoping for has changed and what to do with all my own feelings attached to it. But my emotions and feelings aren't anyone else's burden to deal with and I'm at least proud of myself for not throwing it back in anyone's face like I would have done even a few years ago.

That future isn't mine anymore and I need to let it go. It'll just take more time than two weeks.

#Dailytarot #Wands

I've always been attracted to women. I've always — at least low key — wanted to be a guy. I grew up knowing that being gay was taboo but not that it really mattered because I was just me and that was different.

Not until I was much older did it really sink in that it's a big deal to almost everyone. Like I knew, don't get me wrong. I knew the history, the violence, the oppression — I knew it was all real and existed and reality. But I never had to face it and I never had anyone tell me I was wrong for being me. I never explicitly told anyone, either, because... I don't know. I was just me?

For a little while I was just casually considering starting T without mentioning it to anyone because it didn't matter. Again, it's just me and I've always just kind of felt like that. Decided I didn't want to deal with the excessive body hair and hormonal stuff after a bit of research but I'm still mulling it over casually. It doesn't feel like it's a big decision or a problem to solve.

I wish there was a better way to put into words this feeling. I've never felt wrong being queer, even before I completely understood it.

I don't hide who I am, but I also don't really talk about it with people. It all just kind of exists. It feels like just a natural facet of myself, like having a favorite color. I know it's strange but I just kind of think about it a lot.

#queer #irl

She visited and we spent a whole day together and had a dinner/drinks date, it was great. And then we planned on it again. Then she moved closer for financial reasons and now instead of it being a 5 hour drive, it's only like an hour and a half. So she's visited a lot more within the past two months.

Then I called her 'datefriend' because idk what the fuck else to call her. And then I just kind of started referring to her as my girlfriend and we briefly talked about 'hey what do we call each other?' and then we basically just casually settled into dating.

We've all known each other since college, same fraternity, etc. My fiancée & GF have a lot in common with music stuff. They also knew each other in college, albeit not like close BFFs. So it just kind of works out, I guess.

It's nice. It's kind of difficult to balance things, but I think I'm learning. And it's just as difficult trying to be open about my personal intimacy stuff with another person as it is with my fiancee sometimes.

But I'm learning and I think I'm doing okay.

#queer #irl

I was (am?) happy to do it. I'm glad to have been able to emotionally support my date friend with her stuff. We spent a lot of time coming and going to. The air port, getting food, cooking, etc.

I just can feel my energy level tanking more and more tho. I have another long stretch of time off coming up. Because I'm not being scheduled but still. It'll help I guess.