For every day I am alive I have eaten something.
April 1st 2020
posted on the fediverse separately
I don't think there is a single day in my life I have not put some edible thing in my mouth and swallowed. There are days that I have not slept at all. There are days that I have not drank a single glass of water. If I am trying to ascertain my position in the universe and what it is I am suppose to do next that seems to be a good start. Find out what I have done so far. Famous made many connections in my life. I came to New Orleans with Famous and Felix for the first time on a whim. I met Rusty Lazer through Famous. I met Corinne through Rusty. I met Andrew through Corinne. Andrew had a bus. That bus was very inspiring to me to see Andrew work on it. Part of the inspiration led me to look for buses on the auction site and then me and Paloma ended up getting the bus together. I am sitting on a couch right now inside said bus. Tracing the lines between the people I have met and the things I have done. There are all these places I have traveled in my live but I have no idea why I went to any of them? What was I looking for? What was the point? Why did me and Paloma go to Kazakhstan together? It was there the last time I shaved my head. The old Muslim man with the bird in the bag on the wall. It was a tiny room. They must have been in their mid 70s. I sat down on the chair and we gestured to shave it all. K and PK watched from the outside of the shop, there was a cement ledge that ran along the buildings that the shop was in. Where does this story go? What is the purpose of any of these actions we take?
I was in the woods many times. Sometimes looking at mushrooms up close. Usually with some friends. Have I explored the woods alone? I think very rarely. I must have but I can't recall any specifics right now. I have always been excited about various animals. Finding frogs would always brighten my day. And again I lose track of where I am going.
To write a story in linear time one must have some idea of the passage of linear time and also maybe a purpose for telling the story. I don't. I know I want to get better at describing the world around me and transcribing the ideas that swirl in my head into a form that can be cherished for later. Maybe so my madness has a vague reason for existing. I think about Claire a good deal. Maybe I need to reach out to Claire and ask something of them. I scanned all those pictures while sitting in Tara's mothers floor in Taos. I forgot about that and just now remembered when writing this down. I never even finished cropping them. When was that? Christmas in the Taos Pueblo. Was that actually less then a year ago? No that doesn't work out, it must have been a year a 3 months ago. It feels like an eternity. So many relationships ended in unresolved chaos. I don't like that. But what is an end made of? How does one end a relationship without chaos?