03.18.2021 “add current societal norms”
Setting up a reality for my present state. Initiate a personality, start with the traits of your ancestors and add current societal norms. Reject those norms and create a personality in opposition. Revel in your self worth until you hit an ego wall. Break through to the other side of self and feel one with the world. Break down the separation between yourself and others until there is only now. Wake up a week later with a headache and wonder what led you to this point. Go down the hall and ask your roommate for an aspirin. Your roommate looks at you with no recognition and hands you a pill. You swallow it right there and now. The floor falls from beneath you, and your knees cripple. You feel someone handing you a cold glass of water and realize you were just really hungry and the pill tasted gross. You drink the whole glass and walk away without a word. One week goes by and you remember you had an appointment to see the dentist but you can't remember for what day or who your dentist is. You start obsessing about how your teeth feel and start wondering if you should remove them. You think about how fun it is to eat and how much you used to love diner parties. You remember a time when someone baked you a pie for your half birthday and you try to piece together how old that makes you. You give up after a passing thought and look out the window. A bird flies by. You wish you were closer to the window but feel so tired and don't feel like getting up to get closer. You end up walking to the fridge anyway and look longingly at your condiments. You close the fridge without eating anything. You leave your house. You enter your house. You leave your house again. You walk down the street till your legs hurt and then turn back and sit on the curb for a long while till you start feeling tired. You walk one block further and you are home. It has been a long day and you sleep instantly. You wake up and this is your dream.