03.11.2021 “continual pressure”

I spent much of the day dealing with something that was quite difficult for me. I will definitely write about it at some point but now is not the time. I really need to get off my computer and go to sleep but I haven't written yet. I don't like this habit I am getting into of waiting till I need to sleep to write.

One of the main reasons I am trying to force myself to write everyday is that I want to be able to make new habits and stick to them. To decide to do something and just do it. I know that I can become the version of myself I am striving towards. It just takes continual pressure in some direction. Remembering why I am doing the things I am doing will help me do them too. I don't believe in regretting my past failings, I believe in learning from them and taking those lessens and embedding that into my future self.

I need to wonder more. I have been too static this month. I didn't leave Lucia's house all day, was here on this laptop pretty much the entirety of it. Tomorrow I will go to Des and work in the garden. I think that shall make me feel more full.

I don't have rules for how much I am suppose to write each day, but somehow this doesn't feel like quite enough text.